From Hospital Rooms to Board Rooms: Surviving Cancer. Thriving in Business. 10 Enduring Lessons
September is blood cancer awareness month and as a 20-year survivor of Hodgkins Lymphoma, I am grateful to be here. Over the past two decades, I’ve come a long way in my life. I have a beautiful family, supportive friends, and I’m incredibly fortunate to have either led or been a part of the BEST, high performing teams in a career that bridges executive leadership, HR strategy, and transformative coaching.
What I’ve learned -- from hospital rooms to boardrooms -- is that moments of true clarity often come only after a crisis or trauma. For me, my cancer journey was particularly instructive, and since then I have continued to evolve those learnings, sharpen them, add new ones, and carry them into all the rooms that I’m in. These are hard-won lessons: forged in the fire of chemo, shaped by high stakes situations, and rooted in the constant reflection, “What can I take away from all of this?”
There is scientific research showing that when you hear what people have learned from traumatic experiences (mostly near-death experiences in the one study), it’s possible to take on some of those benefits and feelings: gratitude, higher levels of compassion, empathy, and even purpose. As such, I want to share my lessons with you as part of my purpose to open hearts and minds to create something that really matters.
During this cancer awareness month, take a look at the lessons below. Feel free to borrow from my experience and apply what resonates for you. Try AT LEAST ONE of these ideas this month and, because we all carry lessons worth sharing, please feel free to drop your thoughts in the comments. Or, if you’re interested in learning how to get started on applying any of these in your life, I’d love to coach you.
Don’t Let Someone Else Write Your Story
After surgery that removed a grapefruit size tumor behind my thoracic cage, the majority of my left lung, a number of lymph nodes, and other body parts that apparently you can live without, Doctors told me what they were SURE I’d never do again. They said I wouldn’t run a marathon because of my lung and partially paralyzed diaphragm or have children because of chemotherapy. I chose to test those limits. I ran the Disney marathon, numerous half marathons, and I had a baby. In life and business, others will try to limit you or your company. When someone is making you or your ideas feel small or not valuable, that’s a sign it’s happening. Don’t let them. Write your own story.
If You Don’t Have Your Health; Nothing Else Matters
Before cancer I never considered the impact of stress on my health. The fact of the matter is unmanaged stress can render your immune system ineffective. I’m not going to get too science-y here because there’s plenty of information on this in medical journals. When your immune system malfunctions, the process in your body where cells with damaged DNA either fix themselves or die naturally, is inhibited. These can become rogue cells leading to uncontrolled growth and division, potentially resulting in the formation of a mass or a tumor. Yes, I’ve oversimplified this explanation, and a lot must happen in the body to “get from here to there.” The point is a healthy immune system is a protective factor and there are things you can do to shore it up. So, figure out how to manage stress in your work and life. I can’t tell you how because it’s different for everyone. What I can tell you in that a coach can help you figure it out for yourself. Ultimately, what I’ve learned is to understand where those stress boundary lines are and have a plan for recovery. I have also learned to walk away from very profitable situations to preserve my health.
Being a “Yes” Person Gets You Nowhere
In cancer treatment, saying “yes” to every treatment isn’t a guarantee that it will save you. You need to ask the tough questions, push back, understand a multitude of scenarios, and advocate for yourself. I refused radiation after I found a small study that showed it was “no extra help” when a patient was diagnosed “cancer free” after chemotherapy treatment. It wasn’t easy. Well-intentioned doctors and family pressed me, but every cell of my body knew “no” was the right decision.
Similarly, “blind agreement” doesn’t move companies or careers forward either. Courage and thoughtful dissent do. Yes, “going along” is often easier especially if you are the lone dissenter, however, I found this approach leads to talent feeling unheard, frustrated, and disengaged. Instead, deliver thoughtful dissent using data, analysis and a communication style that lands with a range of stakeholders. This approach has the potential to change the trajectory of a life, a business, or a career. At a minimum, it will enable your voice to be heard in a productive way. Just remember to use your dissent when it truly matters because in most situations the answer doesn’t have to be binary (yes/no).
Let People Underestimate You; Shed Your Ego
One of the most unexpected lessons cancer taught me is that ego doesn’t serve you. When all of your professional, career successes, and money don’t matter anymore because you’re fighting for your life, it does something to your ego. You learn to let go of it. When you release ego, you can let yourself be underestimated. You stop judging yourself and others. You enable yourself to respond thoughtfully versus react …reactively 😊 …to various situations and make better, unemotional, decisions. The power of being underestimated is that people don’t see you coming. They under-prepare for you. In business, that can be your edge. You know who you are and your value. Why do you care if other people know it? Ego cares!
I am…
When I was diagnosed and stopped working after surgery and during chemo, this was the toughest lesson to learn. I was early in my career, ambitious and driven primarily by my professional successes and where I thought I should be in my life for my age. I was originally getting all my validation in life from my job. When that was suddenly stripped away because I couldn’t work, I felt grief for who I was before cancer and had somewhat of an identity crisis. Frankly, this doesn’t have to happen because of cancer. I’ve worked with many clients that have had a similar feeling based on other kinds of life transitions. To fully develop this lesson, I had to redefine my value and who I was to myself, realizing I am so many things: a cancer survivor, mom, wife, daughter, caregiver, yogi, advocate, coach, businesswoman, best friend. More recently, I realized that I’m all of those things and I’m also none of those things because I am always evolving and I am unattached to any one of those labels.
Don’t Let Fear Drive Decisions
Fear is paralyzing in treatment, and it can paralyze companies too. When decisions are driven by fear, they’re rarely the right ones. Sometimes you realize the fears are actually someone else’s (partner, spouse, colleague) and don’t belong to you. Companies also make fear-based decisions. For example, making short-term choices in a given financial quarter to solve an immediate revenue problem that only causes bigger issues at the financial year-end. The best choices are made from a place of clarity, courage, intention, and considering downstream consequences.
Advice Is Everywhere—But It’s Not Always Right
During cancer treatment, everyone has advice: “Try this supplement” “My friend’s doctor said…” In business, it’s the same: endless voices telling you what you SHOULD do. You really could end up “should-ing” all over yourself. Listen, filter, and remember not all advice is worth taking. Including this article!
Don’t Leave Anything on the Table
In treatment, you don’t know which decision or option could make the difference. You say the hard thing. You ask the extra question. You don’t hold back. After I finished chemo and succumbed to PCP pneumonia because I had no immune system, it nearly ended me. In those moments saying what I was holding back became crucial. It was then that I found my voice. Later on, when I built the skill set to use it effectively and constructively in executive teams, it became one of my greatest assets in business, saying what needed to be said, and honing my discernment to know when it was worth it to do so.
Not Deciding Is Still a Decision
In treatment, delaying a choice can have life-or-death consequences. In business, indecision often means missed opportunities. Trust yourself and gather data as a guide so that you can minimize risks and understand the implications of your decisions. Then go with your gut and with the energy or where you see the momentum. With many decisions you could course correct if the direction you choose isn’t panning out.
Keep Moving Forward Even if You Have No Idea How It’s Going to End
On my worst days during treatment -- nausea, lethargy, and what felt like electric shocks up and down my spine from daily shots of neupogen, a drug that stimulates bone marrow to produce more neutrophils to fight infection -- I stayed in bed. During the last couple of rounds of chemo, PCP pneumonia had me convinced I wouldn’t leave the oncology floor of the hospital. I would whisper my cancer battle cry, “I’m strong. I’m healthy. I’m powerful.” I kept my mind moving forward when my body didn’t want to.
A stark reality makes you approach adversity and challenges differently. You sharpen your priorities and your resolve, and you stop wasting time on the things that prevent you from moving forward. And, when someone is wasting your time, tune into your body and you’ll notice it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
In closing…
Because the height of my cancer battle was in the fall of 2004, every September/October I tend to get super reflective. It’s apparently my personal version of cancer awareness month. If my mind doesn’t remember, my body lets me know in not so small ways (read the book, “The body keeps the score”; it’s fascinating). At any rate this month’s ruminations have resulted in this compilation of lessons. It’s my hope that at least one person will read it and feel some sort of synchronicity. Perhaps finding one small thing that resonates or gives them new perspective on a situation/decision.